If you know you aren't interested in continuing a connection, it’s time to let the other person know.

Clarity Is Kindness

If you know you aren't interested in continuing a connection, it’s time to let the other person know.

It can be tempting to stop responding, give hints, or hope the conversation slowly fades away.
We get it! Having a direct conversation may feel uncomfortable, but leaving someone guessing can be much harder for them.

Remember, the other person put themselves out there, too. Being clear is one way to treat them with respect and honor their effort.

You don't need a long explanation. A short, kind message is enough.

For a dating connection, you might say:

"I’ve enjoyed getting to know you. After thinking more about it, I don't feel we're the right match for dating. I wish you the best."

For a friendship connection:

"I've enjoyed talking with you, but I don't think we're the right fit as friends. I wanted to let you know rather than just stop responding. I wish you the best."

You are allowed to change your mind.
You are also allowed to decide that a connection isn't right for you … even if the other person hasn't done anything wrong.

Your responsibility is to be clear and respectful.

What If They Ask Why?

The other person may want to know why.
They may also ask you to reconsider.

You can explain more if you want to, but you don't owe someone a detailed explanation.
You also don't need to convince them that your decision is right.

You can say:

"I don't have one specific reason. I just don't think we're the right match and I wanted to let you know."

Or:

"I appreciate you asking, but I've decided I don't want to continue the connection. I wish you well."

Once you've clearly communicated your decision, you don't need to keep discussing or defending it.

Remember: You May See Each Other Again

This is a community.
There's a good chance you'll see this person again at an event.
That's okay!

You can say hello. You can be polite. You can enjoy the same event.
You don't need to avoid someone just because you decided not to continue a friendship or dating connection with them.

It might feel a little awkward the first time you see each other again.
Awkward doesn't mean something has gone wrong.
Awkward doesn’t mean you shouldn’t attend events for fear of running into them.

Both of you took a chance by getting to know someone new.
Treating each other with kindness afterward helps keep this a comfortable community for everyone.

What If They Keep Contacting You?

Once you've told someone that you don't want to continue the connection, they should respect your decision.

If they keep calling, texting, emailing, or messaging you, you don't need to keep explaining yourself.

Remember, every member has agreed to follow our 2-message rule.

If someone is repeatedly contacting you and ignoring a clear boundary you said directly to them, you can state your boundary one more time:

"I understand that you're upset, but I've asked to stop connecting. Please don't contact me again. If you keep reaching out, I will need to block your number. I hope we can part ways respectfully."

If they continue contacting you after that, you can block them.

At that point, please also let our team know what happened.
Repeatedly ignoring another member's clearly stated boundary is something we want to know about.

If you ever feel unsafe, you do not need to send another message before blocking someone.
Just block them.

Not Sure What to Do? Start With Your Support System

Unlike a 1:1 coaching or matchmaking relationship, this community is designed for members who can manage their friendships and dating connections more independently.

That doesn't mean you have to figure everything out by yourself.
If you're unsure how you feel or what to say, start with someone you already trust.
This might be a parent or family member, trusted adult, therapist, coach, friend, or another person in your support system.

They can help you think through questions like:

Do I actually want to keep getting to know this person?
Am I nervous because this is new, or do I really want to end the connection?
What should I say?
Is my message clear and kind?
Do I need to set a stronger boundary?

Using your support system is part of managing your relationships independently.

For the normal — and sometimes uncomfortable — parts of friendship and dating, start with your own judgment and support system.

If something more serious has happened, especially if another member is ignoring your boundaries, repeatedly contacting you, or making you feel unsafe, please let our team know right away.

Remember What a Connection Request Means

Accepting a connection request means you're agreeing to give someone a chance and get to know them.

It isn't a promise that the connection will work out.

Sometimes getting to know someone leads to a friendship or relationship.
Sometimes it gives us the information we need to realize we're not a good fit.

Both are normal parts of meeting new people.

If you decide you don't want to continue, don't leave the other person wondering.
Be clear. Be kind. Then give both of you the space to move forward.

When To Do When You Realize It Isn't a Match …