Constellations Discussion

Today, we’ll explore:

  • Brief Review of last few weeks

  • How to find affirming spaces

  • Social risks despite rejection sensitivity

This is a supportive, judgment-free space.

Please stay muted when not speaking.
Ask questions in the chat or with the “raised hand” tool anytime.

Presented by Kate Harrington

  • Founder of Harrington Matchmaking & Constellations program

  • Based in the Washington, D.C. metro area

  • Known for working with neurodivergent adults

Contact Information

kate@harringtonmatchmaking.com
harringtonmatchmaking.com
@katewhdc

Brief Review of Previous Weeks

What is Rejection Sensitivity?

Strong emotional response to criticism, exclusion, or perceived disapproval

Common among neurodivergent individuals

Often linked to experiences of:

  • Bullying or social exclusion

  • Misunderstanding by peers

  • Chronic masking and camouflaging

  • Feeling "different" from others

The desire for connection often exists alongside a fear of being rejected.

The Impact on Social Connection

How Rejection Sensitivity Affects Relationships

  • Hesitation to initiate conversations

  • Avoidance of social events

  • Difficulty trusting new people

  • Overanalyzing social interactions

  • Withdrawing after perceived social mistakes

Result: Increased isolation despite wanting friendship and community.

Reframing the Goal

Connection Without Eliminating Fear

We don't have to eliminate rejection sensitivity before building relationships.

Instead:

  • Start with manageable social experiences

  • Focus on shared interests

  • Seek predictable, inclusive environments

  • Practice authenticity over masking

Connection grows through repeated positive experiences.

Discussion Break

Have you ever avoided a social opportunity because you were worried about being rejected, misunderstood, or judged? What might have made that situation feel safer or more manageable?

Why Shared-Interest Communities Work

Interest-Based Communities Reduce Social Pressure

Benefits include:

  • Built-in conversation topics

  • Clear purpose and structure

  • Opportunities for repeated interactions

  • Less focus on small talk

  • Greater chance of meeting like-minded people

Examples:

  • Gaming groups

  • Book clubs

  • Crafting communities

  • Hiking groups

  • Technology and maker groups

Finding Affirming Communities

Eventbrite and Meetup can be excellent tools for finding social opportunities that align with your interests, values, and comfort level.

Search for:

  • Neurodiversity-focused events

  • ADHD or autistic adult groups

  • Sensory-friendly gatherings

  • Hobby and special-interest groups

  • Educational workshops and classes

  • Social clubs and community events

  • Professional networking opportunities

Why these platforms work:

  • Low-pressure opportunities to participate

  • Virtual and in-person options

  • Built-in conversation topics through shared interests

  • Opportunities to meet people who are actively looking for connection

  • Recurring events that allow relationships to develop gradually over time

  • Flexibility to attend once, observe, or engage at your own pace

A helpful tip: You may still need to self-advocate.

Don't be afraid to contact the event organizer before attending.
You can ask questions about the typical age range, demographics, group size, social atmosphere, accessibility, and sensory environment. Many organizers are happy to provide information that helps attendees feel more comfortable and prepared. If they aren’t, that’s helpful information too.
Gathering information beforehand can reduce anxiety and help you determine whether a group feels like a good fit.

Remember: You do not have to commit to a community after one event. Safe connections are built by gathering information, noticing patterns over time, and finding spaces where you can show up as yourself.

Other Neurodiversity-Affirming Spaces

Additional Community Options

Our Constellations program is a prime example.

  • Discord communities

  • Facebook groups

  • Local libraries

  • Community centers

  • Continuing education classes

  • Volunteer organizations

  • Neurodiversity advocacy groups

  • Professional organizations for neurodivergent adults

Both online and in-person spaces can provide meaningful connection.

Signs of an Inclusive Environment

Look for communities that:

  • Welcome different communication styles

  • Provide clear expectations

  • Respect sensory needs

  • Encourage authenticity

  • Value diversity of thought and experience

  • Create opportunities for gradual participation

Belonging should not require masking.

Private Reflection

What signs help me know that a person or community is actually safe and trustworthy?

Refresher: Identifying Safe Connections

Committing to take more social risks is going to put you in contact with more people.

People who are often safe exhibit these “Green Flags:”

  • Respect boundaries

  • Follow through

  • Apologize when needed

  • Listen well

  • Show interest in others

  • Treat people with kindness

  • Accept "no"

Look for patterns, not perfection.




Pay attention when someone repeatedly shows these “Red Flags:”

  • Ignores boundaries

  • Pressures you

  • Makes everything about themselves

  • Moves unusually fast

  • Makes you feel guilty

  • Creates frequent drama

  • Says one thing and does another

Sometimes fear of losing a connection can make these behaviors harder to notice. We make excuses for them because we don’t want to lose them. Are they worth keeping in our life?



Safe Connections Feel Different

Safe friendships and relationships do not require us to constantly prove ourselves.

Instead, they often feel:

  • Predictable

  • Respectful

  • Comfortable

  • Accepting

  • Consistent

Not perfect.

But generally safe.

This week’s final thought:

Rejection sensitivity can make social connection challenging, but it does not have to prevent belonging.

When neurodivergent adults find spaces that are:

  • Interest-based

  • Inclusive

  • Predictable

  • Neurodiversity-affirming

… they are more likely to develop authentic relationships, increase confidence, and experience a stronger sense of community.

The goal is not to fit in — it is to find spaces where you feel a sense of authentic belonging.

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